"SWALLOW THE AIR"

"I remember what my mum had said to me once about worries. She said when we worry, when something is pulling us down, we should take a walk. A good walk, she said, a long walk. Rhythm tangles behind you, scurries up ahead, and somehow in between, something makes sense. One foot is your heart and one foot is your mind. Together, they can make your worries easy, clearer. 'Just walk,' she'd say, 'just gotta walk.'

I suppose in the end she couldn't find her feet.

And with the crying inside me, that I could not make out, of words or voice, I began to walk.

Listen, Issy had said.

I listened. And the voices would come out, emerging from button grasses, bark shavings and water. Mother. Brother. Anger. Fear. All soaked in sorrow. Intricate words like Joyce's photo tree of faces. Day doused them yellow, but night crawled the dark moons, hiding the light. And answers.

Each day I asked the voices, why I'm here? What I'm doing?

They did not answer. But I kept asking anyway, to make sure that it was ok. Still they did not tell."

-from "Swallow the Air" by Tara June Winch